Introduction: In which the Author explains his Intentions, in the Form of a Prologue
Many diverse and sundry tales have been told, whether by Geoffrey of Monmouth, universally condemned as a liar, or Sir Thomas Malory, who probably made stuff up too, but did it with style. Of these twain, most of the tales of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table have come down to us. However there were some tales which neither Monmouth nor Malory saw fit to include in their works. These have been collected from various sources, and I list here a portion of the Table of Contents, so that the reader may have a sampling of the flavor of these tales.
BOOK II
CHAPTER III-- Wherein Merlin transformed himself into a sparrow.
CHAPTER IV-- How that sparrow was immediately eaten by a hawk.
CHAPTER V-- How that hawk had gross indigestion.
CHAPTER VI-- The hawk landed on the ground and bashed its head repeatedly against the bole of an oak tree, to render itself senseless.
CHAPTER VII-- How it fell senseless and was immediately consumed by a bear.
CHAPTER VIII-- How the bear was fallen upon by hunters, which slew it
CHAPTER IX-- How it was prepared for a meal in King Arthur's court (with a list of the various herbs and spices which were used to prepare it)
CHAPTER X-- How when the bear was opened, Merlin emerged alive and unharmed
CHAPTER XI-- How the Knights of the Round Table did vomit, and swore never to eat bear again (or at least during Lent)
BOOK III
CHAPTER IX-- How Gutred, leader of the Saxons, defied Arthur by speaking unfavorably of his parentage.
CHAPTER X-- How Arthur responded in kind, referring to Gutred's mother in ungentlemanly terms.
CHAPTER XI-- More of the same.
CHAPTER XII-- Gutred's reply.
CHAPTER XIII-- Lancelot's rebuttal.
CHAPTER XIV-- More of Lancelot's rebuttal (This chapter has unfortunately been edited by a scribe who wrote in the margin: "By the Saints, never should a Christian man hear such churlish speech!)
CHAPTER XV-- The resulting battle and slaughter which ensued due to Lancelot's outrageous smack talk.
BOOK IV
CHAPTER XXXVII-- Wherein Sir Lancelot, having gotten high off of Merlin's herbs, went berserk
CHAPTER XXXVIII-- How he slew seven knights of the Round Table who went to subdue him, lopping off their heads
CHAPTER XXXIX-- How he didst also slay many commoners and many Pictish prisoners of war (but no one cared about them, for they were Picts)
CHAPTER XL-- How Merlin didst reattach the heads of the seven knights and caused them to have the semblance of life
CHAPTER XLI-- How in this state they didst prophesy and show many marvels
CHAPTER XLII-- Having ceased their prophesying, they didst march into the churchyard and dig for themselves seven graves, and bury themselves in them
BOOK V
CHAPTER XII-- How there was some confusion about the names and identities of Sir Belvidere and Sir Bedivere, due to careless pronunciation
But I shall not weary the reader. It is obvious why these tales were not included in Malory's work, being of sensational and sometimes contradictory material. One excerpt however, I wish to draw to the reader's attention in full and shall hopefully do so in another missive.
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